The Warrior is a Child
When I was in Melbourne a few weeks ago I was asked to share a couple of things about me and I said to the team, "I expose myself online" hurting from the comments that I had received in the post "From the Heart". I am sharing a little more here tonight. I have been so busy of late, and there are pending jobs people want of me and that is good, but I have been drained, perhaps even spent. I am not sharing this with even a hint of complaint though, however there has been a few things going on upstairs in the windmills of my mind.
I spent some time with a friend last night and that was great, I have so many acquaintances and so few people I feel so totally at home with, and my friend last night is one of them. I have known him for almost every one of the years of my life. Well from about 8 years old anyway, making that 36 years. We talked about life, and our hopes and dreams and the where we would like to be's and the where we are's. I have deliberated much on that discussion this day, and feel I am at a crossroads. I have invested so much time and so much energy into doing the work I do and so much of myself, I feel that I am good at what I do. Inspite of someone else yesterday trying to compare my work to other people and the occasional crticism from people who feel they have my best interests at heart, I personally feel that I am good at what I do. A bride I photographed on Saturday last has already emailed me to say thanks. She was hopping into the car to leave from the reception on Saturday night and got out again and ran toward where I was and gave me a big hug and kiss and whispered, "I cannot thank you enough". What a wonderful gesture. I was touched. Then she ran back in the car and left.
Regular visitors to my blog will be aware of some of the inner struggles I face if they have read between some of the lines and will be aware that I want to become very successful at this and whilst I am grateful for the struggle it is to "get there" I wonder how far away it is on the odd occasion. The crossroads I refer to are more metaphorical than real. I said to a would be helper, who posed the question recently "are you getting where you want to go yet?" "Yes, I am so close I can smell it". And I can. Yet like the scene from Poltergeist where the background all of a sudden becomes distant you feel so far away. I have just given so much to get here I cannot all of a sudden turn around now and give up. I have heard so many examples where people are close to their goals only to lose hope and give up. I know some of these people myself who have given up, and it pains me, and something inside of me just whispers, and it is just a whisper, keep going Craig. Keep going.
Whatever it is or isn't I am committed to my own path of excellence. I recall as I write this the frustration of pumping water when I lived as a missionary in the Philippines. In one place I lived in called Pototan which is a rice centre on the island of Panay in the central visayan region. We had to go outside the house and with an old fashioned pump, pump the water up for drinking, though we had to boil the water for 20 mins to ensure it was clean, and then we also bathed in the water outside as well. I would pump the water into a bucket and then with a cup inserted in the water then empty the cup(s) over my body, lather up and then repeat the process. It was always interesting to the kids who would pass by to watch "joe" (from G.I Joe soldiers I guess) bathing. I think I must have looked akin to a beached whale to these glorious brown kids. I wore shorts, just in case there are a couple of you who were wondering.
Why raise this story? because pumping the water reminds me of what it is like for my temporal pursuits with photography. The water had to be pumped for a long period of time. Your arm would ache, and then would test your very patience, and on more than a few times I stopped to breathe and rub my aching arm, only to find the water trickle out and the problem with that was, once you stopped you had to go through the same process all over again as the water would rush straight back down. Bugger! (An Australian expression that can encapsulate, crap, hell, damn it, and a host of other expressions!) So, perhaps the message there for me is keep going don't give up.
I have had a brother say to me once who I am confident won't read this, "what will you do when it doesn't happen?" The thought had not crossed my mind. Failure is not an option. I will die trying if I don't get there. I strive to be the best i can be, and as many of you know I don't always make it. I have a song I really love from a wonderful Filipino singer I have had the honour to meet a couple of times, one Gary Valenciano. The song is called the Warrior is a child. I wanted to share this with you tonight. The film clip and lyrics are below. This song is really something I have absorbed as my personal theme song.
Not so deep inside this armour, the Warrior is indeed a child.....still.
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
Some shots I took of Gary
I will be here by Gary as well.
I spent some time with a friend last night and that was great, I have so many acquaintances and so few people I feel so totally at home with, and my friend last night is one of them. I have known him for almost every one of the years of my life. Well from about 8 years old anyway, making that 36 years. We talked about life, and our hopes and dreams and the where we would like to be's and the where we are's. I have deliberated much on that discussion this day, and feel I am at a crossroads. I have invested so much time and so much energy into doing the work I do and so much of myself, I feel that I am good at what I do. Inspite of someone else yesterday trying to compare my work to other people and the occasional crticism from people who feel they have my best interests at heart, I personally feel that I am good at what I do. A bride I photographed on Saturday last has already emailed me to say thanks. She was hopping into the car to leave from the reception on Saturday night and got out again and ran toward where I was and gave me a big hug and kiss and whispered, "I cannot thank you enough". What a wonderful gesture. I was touched. Then she ran back in the car and left.
Regular visitors to my blog will be aware of some of the inner struggles I face if they have read between some of the lines and will be aware that I want to become very successful at this and whilst I am grateful for the struggle it is to "get there" I wonder how far away it is on the odd occasion. The crossroads I refer to are more metaphorical than real. I said to a would be helper, who posed the question recently "are you getting where you want to go yet?" "Yes, I am so close I can smell it". And I can. Yet like the scene from Poltergeist where the background all of a sudden becomes distant you feel so far away. I have just given so much to get here I cannot all of a sudden turn around now and give up. I have heard so many examples where people are close to their goals only to lose hope and give up. I know some of these people myself who have given up, and it pains me, and something inside of me just whispers, and it is just a whisper, keep going Craig. Keep going.
Whatever it is or isn't I am committed to my own path of excellence. I recall as I write this the frustration of pumping water when I lived as a missionary in the Philippines. In one place I lived in called Pototan which is a rice centre on the island of Panay in the central visayan region. We had to go outside the house and with an old fashioned pump, pump the water up for drinking, though we had to boil the water for 20 mins to ensure it was clean, and then we also bathed in the water outside as well. I would pump the water into a bucket and then with a cup inserted in the water then empty the cup(s) over my body, lather up and then repeat the process. It was always interesting to the kids who would pass by to watch "joe" (from G.I Joe soldiers I guess) bathing. I think I must have looked akin to a beached whale to these glorious brown kids. I wore shorts, just in case there are a couple of you who were wondering.
Why raise this story? because pumping the water reminds me of what it is like for my temporal pursuits with photography. The water had to be pumped for a long period of time. Your arm would ache, and then would test your very patience, and on more than a few times I stopped to breathe and rub my aching arm, only to find the water trickle out and the problem with that was, once you stopped you had to go through the same process all over again as the water would rush straight back down. Bugger! (An Australian expression that can encapsulate, crap, hell, damn it, and a host of other expressions!) So, perhaps the message there for me is keep going don't give up.
I have had a brother say to me once who I am confident won't read this, "what will you do when it doesn't happen?" The thought had not crossed my mind. Failure is not an option. I will die trying if I don't get there. I strive to be the best i can be, and as many of you know I don't always make it. I have a song I really love from a wonderful Filipino singer I have had the honour to meet a couple of times, one Gary Valenciano. The song is called the Warrior is a child. I wanted to share this with you tonight. The film clip and lyrics are below. This song is really something I have absorbed as my personal theme song.
Not so deep inside this armour, the Warrior is indeed a child.....still.
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)
Some shots I took of Gary
I will be here by Gary as well.
Comments
I didn't know you were once a missionary! A many-faceted person is Craig Peihopa.
Just a couple of comments, Craig, and I'm going to have to scroll down through your post to pick up your exact words. Bear with me.
You "expose yourself online" ... good on ya, that's what I say!
"What will you do WHEN it doesn't happen?" (Emphasis on 'when' is mine.) The question should have been, "What will you do 'IF' it doesn't happen?" He was assuming that it would not happen. Kind of made me angry when I read that.
You're only 44, Craig, and in the prime of your life. GO for it!
Yes, a missionary once, for two years.
Yes, "When" made me angry at first as well. But I think it came from a place of jealousy and one thing about Australian's and New Zealanders sometimes, we have something here unlike the states that seems to celebrate their heroes and achievers, we seem to believe that pulling them down keeps them grounded> I struggle with that, we call it the "tall Poppy Syndrome" believing we should cut them down to size. He was just exercising something that he has learned. I noted with much curiosity that the brother who made the comment had his shot at really making a difference and becoming successful, and said no....He was one of those I referred to when I said it pained me.
Thanks Goldenrod. It has been a shot in the arm. Thanks for being "there"!
Interesting you served a mission in the Philippines.....my husband served a mission in England. ;)