Feeling flushed?
This topic won't be for the faint-hearted, or indeed for many people it will be unpalatable altogether - so if you read on and are disgusted, you were warned at this point, don't read on!.
It occurs to me how grateful I am of late for the small but wonderful feeling of relief and joy it is, after being able to go to the toilet on occasions when you are just busting to go. On New years Day at 5 am after I was photographing the sunrise I became aware that I had a window of around 2 or 3 minutes where I would need to ah, well, go to the loo and fast.
Being that I was on the beach, I knew the surf club had toilets below, and hoping they were open, I made a fast yet careful dash to the loo and the overwhelming relief was scarcely an emotion I or anyone in good company talks about, but hey it was as good a feeling as I have ever known! Whew!!!! It was indescribable. I know that most, if not all of you do know that feeling!
It also became apparent to me that many of my life's most embarrasing moments revolve around a toilet. What's with that? There are the times when I have been busting, and I mean busting, to go to the loo with dire consequences. I was in the Philippines one time when I was eating at a restaurant called the Mansion House, and whilst the restaurant was a little spartan, the food was excellent. I used to eat there twice a month and order a dish they called Choma (sweet and sour pork). It was really good. I had never needed to use their amenities until one day, I could tell something wasn't quite right, and so I walked in to their amenities to use one of the cubicles. Imagine my horror as I walked in the door of the cubicle only to find the door height was about 4 feet, I am 189cm or 6'3" tall! I commenced to prepare myself to sit, then guys came to the door and opened it and just stayed there and stared at me! What the? about 3-4 guys came to the door and just stared at the white guy with a fat behind...then! Sensing a growing well of performance anxiety within, I gingerly stood, prepared to leave - without transacting any business and said to the people I was with, I will be back I have to go, to which their confused looks told the whole story for me - how do you explain this?
I went downstairs, jumped in a taxi and was heading for La Paz where one of my friends and associates lived, I jumped out of the cab after a 20 minute journey scarcely able to stand, and rapped on his door so hard I thought I broke the hinge. I knocked and tapped and after a further 5 minutes, I realised, he isn't damn well home!! I jumped back in the cab and drove to someone else's house - they weren't home either and so I had a brainstorm. I would go to the local Jaro Caltex servo!!!! I got the key, ran in the loo and was able to lock the only door into the room so I wouldn't be disturbed and now some 35 minutes after my initial alarm was sounded that I needed to find a loo, I was here. I ran in, closed the door and then realised there was no seat. I didn't care, I was able to find a receptive facility and was able to transact business. Ahhhh. I STILL truly remember that moment of joy and happiness. In that special moment, I then reached out to the paper and realised, Oh crap. There was none!!! enter the music from Psycho, suffice it to say, I was able to rescue some semblance of decorum and found a mode that I was able to hygenically clean with. The details I will refrain at this point from going into for our combined sake. I then went to the tap to wash and found that the loo must have used all the water as there was none - and in this loo, no soap either. So I went outside and plunged my hands into a water canister, don't ask what it was for or what was in there, but I was confident it was better than not washing at all. I hopped back into the cab and said "let's go back to the Mansion House" (where the people I was with were still waiting to eat) and the cab driver says, "you look much happy" and am convinced for me, that was the understatement of the year. No sh.. Sherlock! a further point worth noting. On the way back to the restaurant I bought some rubbing alcohol for my hands to be cleansed before eating!
So it is with a slight perversion, but a genuine gesture of gratitude that I thank, albeit into the cosmos, one Thomas Crapper for his invention not of the toilet as there were many of those who took out patents from as early as 1775, but Thomas is attributed with creating the FLUSH in the modern toilet, he died in 1910. I have used holes in the ground, holes in the tiles, I have used those ugly loos where they are dressed holes in the ground that store the combined waste of the family, grounds and anyone else for a period of weeks before they would be emptied, and each time I tried not to use them felt when I did I was being sucked through the seat into the pit of no return. I hated every moment. My departed Father was a chronic toilet reader, which I hated then and now. I cannot believe anyone would willingly subect themselves to an odorous content foreign and unappreciated by most to read and inhale as they sit idly and read for extended periods of time. I find that abhorrent. I am not a reader in the loo, I transact my business, and depending on the scale of business conducted will light matches to remove the smell totally, not simply mask it like those terrible cans of supposed air freshener. I am sure people who come to my home and see the matches in the bathroom think that I smoke! but it is the smoke that not masks but physically removes the odour altogether that interests me! I was introduced to that method of using matches in Haleiva in Hawaii by a lovely lady I was working with at the time. She said when I asked to use the loo, "make sure you use the matches". When I asked why she explained. I am confident further that my nostrils and the comfort of many others, has been grateful ever since.
I was speaking once to a doctor who indicated that people in society are very diverse. He treated people who only go to the toilet once a week. He said they had "trained" or conditioned their body to go infrequently, and that some people have a particular fear or anger at having to go at all. I guess there are conditions of all sorts of things I haven't thought of. He added that in some cases these people who avoid going to relieve themselves can have very bad skin conditions and other negative side effects. So whilst it is a physiological function that is a little unsavoury to dwell on, it is nonethless a vital component of a healthy and happy life.
Well, I don't know if the topic is one of a particular interest to any of you or not, but I felt it important to comment on. It is a little spoken of activity that we often take for granted and one that is vital to our overall well being and I just felt I would express simply and hopefully tastefully, how grateful I am for the improved facility. Although I have a particular dislike to the American toilets I have had the experience to utilise. They have this nasty system of flushing. Permit me to explain. The evidence of your transacted business is in the bowl (I am sorry!) and when you press flush, the water rises slowly up with the remains of the day, or night and the music of psycho making another almost inaudible appearance, and then after rising to what seems like the brim of the bowl, slowly recedes and gets sucked out of the bowl with the slapping sound of water then slowly refills. eeeewwwwww. I hate them. It's like a nightmare just reminding you. Just give me the straight ocean flush that takes the remains away out of sight immediately!!!
I won't even go to the tangent of Public toilets, but oh gee, that is a whole other discussion I will avoid.
A friend of mine Orson, has a new loo from Japan, where he is currently, that looks like a command station from moon base Alpha, it has a control arm and can spray water into the dark regions of your posteria, and also dry with a shot of warm air. It can massage your butt, it can play MP3 music and is all electronic. It opens and closes and flushes by itself. Orson invited me to use it once and I respectfully declined. That is taking the experience or me to a place I don't wish to be at presently. But it is very interesting I submit. Well I think that is sufficient on this topic. I shall not broach the subject again.
Copy and paste this link below into your browser to watch a Japanese Toilet commercial! it is fun!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5217853509242206793
CP
It occurs to me how grateful I am of late for the small but wonderful feeling of relief and joy it is, after being able to go to the toilet on occasions when you are just busting to go. On New years Day at 5 am after I was photographing the sunrise I became aware that I had a window of around 2 or 3 minutes where I would need to ah, well, go to the loo and fast.
Being that I was on the beach, I knew the surf club had toilets below, and hoping they were open, I made a fast yet careful dash to the loo and the overwhelming relief was scarcely an emotion I or anyone in good company talks about, but hey it was as good a feeling as I have ever known! Whew!!!! It was indescribable. I know that most, if not all of you do know that feeling!
It also became apparent to me that many of my life's most embarrasing moments revolve around a toilet. What's with that? There are the times when I have been busting, and I mean busting, to go to the loo with dire consequences. I was in the Philippines one time when I was eating at a restaurant called the Mansion House, and whilst the restaurant was a little spartan, the food was excellent. I used to eat there twice a month and order a dish they called Choma (sweet and sour pork). It was really good. I had never needed to use their amenities until one day, I could tell something wasn't quite right, and so I walked in to their amenities to use one of the cubicles. Imagine my horror as I walked in the door of the cubicle only to find the door height was about 4 feet, I am 189cm or 6'3" tall! I commenced to prepare myself to sit, then guys came to the door and opened it and just stayed there and stared at me! What the? about 3-4 guys came to the door and just stared at the white guy with a fat behind...then! Sensing a growing well of performance anxiety within, I gingerly stood, prepared to leave - without transacting any business and said to the people I was with, I will be back I have to go, to which their confused looks told the whole story for me - how do you explain this?
I went downstairs, jumped in a taxi and was heading for La Paz where one of my friends and associates lived, I jumped out of the cab after a 20 minute journey scarcely able to stand, and rapped on his door so hard I thought I broke the hinge. I knocked and tapped and after a further 5 minutes, I realised, he isn't damn well home!! I jumped back in the cab and drove to someone else's house - they weren't home either and so I had a brainstorm. I would go to the local Jaro Caltex servo!!!! I got the key, ran in the loo and was able to lock the only door into the room so I wouldn't be disturbed and now some 35 minutes after my initial alarm was sounded that I needed to find a loo, I was here. I ran in, closed the door and then realised there was no seat. I didn't care, I was able to find a receptive facility and was able to transact business. Ahhhh. I STILL truly remember that moment of joy and happiness. In that special moment, I then reached out to the paper and realised, Oh crap. There was none!!! enter the music from Psycho, suffice it to say, I was able to rescue some semblance of decorum and found a mode that I was able to hygenically clean with. The details I will refrain at this point from going into for our combined sake. I then went to the tap to wash and found that the loo must have used all the water as there was none - and in this loo, no soap either. So I went outside and plunged my hands into a water canister, don't ask what it was for or what was in there, but I was confident it was better than not washing at all. I hopped back into the cab and said "let's go back to the Mansion House" (where the people I was with were still waiting to eat) and the cab driver says, "you look much happy" and am convinced for me, that was the understatement of the year. No sh.. Sherlock! a further point worth noting. On the way back to the restaurant I bought some rubbing alcohol for my hands to be cleansed before eating!
So it is with a slight perversion, but a genuine gesture of gratitude that I thank, albeit into the cosmos, one Thomas Crapper for his invention not of the toilet as there were many of those who took out patents from as early as 1775, but Thomas is attributed with creating the FLUSH in the modern toilet, he died in 1910. I have used holes in the ground, holes in the tiles, I have used those ugly loos where they are dressed holes in the ground that store the combined waste of the family, grounds and anyone else for a period of weeks before they would be emptied, and each time I tried not to use them felt when I did I was being sucked through the seat into the pit of no return. I hated every moment. My departed Father was a chronic toilet reader, which I hated then and now. I cannot believe anyone would willingly subect themselves to an odorous content foreign and unappreciated by most to read and inhale as they sit idly and read for extended periods of time. I find that abhorrent. I am not a reader in the loo, I transact my business, and depending on the scale of business conducted will light matches to remove the smell totally, not simply mask it like those terrible cans of supposed air freshener. I am sure people who come to my home and see the matches in the bathroom think that I smoke! but it is the smoke that not masks but physically removes the odour altogether that interests me! I was introduced to that method of using matches in Haleiva in Hawaii by a lovely lady I was working with at the time. She said when I asked to use the loo, "make sure you use the matches". When I asked why she explained. I am confident further that my nostrils and the comfort of many others, has been grateful ever since.
I was speaking once to a doctor who indicated that people in society are very diverse. He treated people who only go to the toilet once a week. He said they had "trained" or conditioned their body to go infrequently, and that some people have a particular fear or anger at having to go at all. I guess there are conditions of all sorts of things I haven't thought of. He added that in some cases these people who avoid going to relieve themselves can have very bad skin conditions and other negative side effects. So whilst it is a physiological function that is a little unsavoury to dwell on, it is nonethless a vital component of a healthy and happy life.
Well, I don't know if the topic is one of a particular interest to any of you or not, but I felt it important to comment on. It is a little spoken of activity that we often take for granted and one that is vital to our overall well being and I just felt I would express simply and hopefully tastefully, how grateful I am for the improved facility. Although I have a particular dislike to the American toilets I have had the experience to utilise. They have this nasty system of flushing. Permit me to explain. The evidence of your transacted business is in the bowl (I am sorry!) and when you press flush, the water rises slowly up with the remains of the day, or night and the music of psycho making another almost inaudible appearance, and then after rising to what seems like the brim of the bowl, slowly recedes and gets sucked out of the bowl with the slapping sound of water then slowly refills. eeeewwwwww. I hate them. It's like a nightmare just reminding you. Just give me the straight ocean flush that takes the remains away out of sight immediately!!!
I won't even go to the tangent of Public toilets, but oh gee, that is a whole other discussion I will avoid.
A friend of mine Orson, has a new loo from Japan, where he is currently, that looks like a command station from moon base Alpha, it has a control arm and can spray water into the dark regions of your posteria, and also dry with a shot of warm air. It can massage your butt, it can play MP3 music and is all electronic. It opens and closes and flushes by itself. Orson invited me to use it once and I respectfully declined. That is taking the experience or me to a place I don't wish to be at presently. But it is very interesting I submit. Well I think that is sufficient on this topic. I shall not broach the subject again.
Copy and paste this link below into your browser to watch a Japanese Toilet commercial! it is fun!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5217853509242206793
CP
Comments
2007 is well gone, but the memories . Like the loo you've talked about, some memories left by people don't leave easily. Some things you encounter you wish you could just flush away. Interesting suggestion about the matches.
it would seem some memories whether good or bad may still linger, but the message worth taking is, that if the smell lingers in a room, open the window and leave the room for a more fragrant area of your home!. All the best for 2008.
Oh, and thank you for the phone call the other day, you are a great friend indeed!
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Anon, who could argue with your point? certainly I won't be trying to. Thanks for making a comment.