Stuck in the middle

I went shopping yesterday for some black trousers. Black is one of my favourite colours. Is there anything it doesn't go with? The difficulty is, and has always been for me, that very few places have a large or classy range of clothes for my size. I am in the middle range of mens clothes. They have quite a few HUGE sizes and then there is heaps of what I call "small" sizes but as for the middle ground where I walk it seems very sincerely like no mans land. Some months ago I was a much heavier person, and a more well girthed one to boot. I have lost some 23 kilos over the last 6 months. I have gone in pants sizes from my largest pants at 126cm down to 122cm then to 117cm then to 112cm and I now have a pair of pants at 107cm. Whilst cuts and sizes for men seem to vary greatly across the range, I have discovered, it has been a huge task to lose that weight. It has not been easy. I did it and continue to do it by not drinking soft drink - I now love water, reducing significantly the sugar I take in and then walking. I walk an average of 6km a day, though over Christmas / New year the distance has been OK but I took a few mornings off. My desire to reduce came about primarily because a Doctor and an iridologist friend of mine, whom I admire and see as a client, said that if you continue down the path of eating without consequences - they will inevitably arrive, and may carry eventualities like loss of sight. It was a much better a way to motivate me to change, than simply caning me with threats and dire predictions. I have always been a person that if you want me to change or want me to do something, motivate me. Enroll me in what you want and the possibilities it holds for me and if the outcomes are attractive enough for me, I will do the tasks required to get there.

The first time I went to the US and France was on a work sponsored trip from a washing machine manufacturer. They basically set me a goal that I needed to sell as close to a million dollars worth of electrical appliances, (as I worked in a major retail chain in Sydney's north at the time), and I would qualify for the trip. At first I tried so hard to sell appliances and went two steps back every time I tried. I think every customer could see I was too eager to sell. So I hit this space when I thought, well I AM going to go overseas - you know it, but act as though you have already been. So I relaxed more and selling was a natural result. The outcome was that I made the cut! I was able to plan and go to the USA and France and have been there since a couple of times as well. It was a great teaching opportunity to me that if I want something bad enough, and imagine that I can do it or am doing something that I want, by hell or high water I get there, and realise the dream. The same thing occured when I wrote and co-produced a children's video in Hawaii back in 1999. I ate it, I slept it and I breathed it in every aspect of my being. I didn't know how to get there and inspite of never having made a commercial video before, and inspite of being penniless, and inspite of knowing I had to get some 40-50 peoples written approvals to use either their music and or lyrics in the childrens video, I knew I would get there. And I did. I found the people, the $250,000 dollars to make it, I found it was like the whole universal axis turned ever so slightly to accommodate my request. I am still so proud that I was a part of something so very unique and special, notwithstanding the outcomes, external to the video itself were stressful, and financially onerous. I won't use this forum to go into the outcomes of what happened after, though it can suffice to say simply that the results were a mixture of good and bad. For me there are a few key moments in my life when I have known that sheer stubbornness, perspicacity and focus, can bring about some gigantic things. I have not mentioned here either, that I believe the very hand of God was waved kindly in my direction on those key times as well. I think it would be remiss and arrogant of me to even remotely submit to you that it was all me, when I felt there was something much bigger than just me in the process, and I am grateful. I raise this now, because I face another huge task this year. It is my desire to reverse my fortunes and work for myself in the next 12 months, earning an income, and prospering from something I love so passionately with my photography.

The task is sobering. I have more than my fair share of debt remaining from poor fiscal choices made along the way over the past few years, but have chosen to reverse that this year - in one year. I have started to set out plans and work as though I have never been busy before. I don't know how long I have to live, not that there is anything wrong or that, but I just feel it important to make this year count more and more. I am putting those thoughts down in this blog as a way for me to publicly declare my intent, as though I now want to stand behind and follow thru on what I have said here for my satisfaction and continuing personal growth. It is a powerful reminder to me that some of you who visit here whom I know, will be watching to see if I come good on what I say or not.

I have several friends who are independantly wealthy and prosperous not simply financially, but with an overall life balance. I have however most admired that they are in a position to spend their lives doing something they are not only good at, but really love. WOW, that is powerful stuff when you realise that most of the world is not that fortunate, or not that pro-active. Having these people as friends has served to show me that if I want something similar to what they have, I can have it. It is not easy, but then none of the aforementioned milestones in my life ever has been. Take having my son for example. He has had 26 admissions to hospital and had several major surgeries on his eyes, nasal pssages, lungs and heart. Then there were the lumbar punctures to find simply what was wrong with him when he got ill. But ask me if I think that it was worth all the worry, pain, prayer and stress to see him as he is today, the clear and resounding answer is yes. So, in that spirit, I want to turn the finances around and work for myself by the end of this year. I have been wanting and saying it for so long I am now at the point when I feel I am truly ready to take the next step. It comes with a degree of trepidation and fear as I need a sum of money each month guaranteed just to meet my financial obligations, but I am equal to the task. 2008 is going to be big for me. Watch this space as I journey forward. Admittedly I walk into the tunnel hoping the the light I see at the end is not the light of an oncoming train, but the light of what bright future awaits.



Do any of you reading need portraits taken and or graphic work done? I know a guy! he is trying to learn hard that if he charges like a wounded bull, people really believe he must be really good! and he is!

CP