A Wonderful Life
I have been thinking of late that for many years I have tried so hard to be the person I thought others, society, friends and family expected me to be. I struggled, I tried and became quite disillusioned within myself as to alter the perception of what or who I thought I was, or was becoming at least. In trying to live the life others thought or expected, I sucked at it and failed miserably. I can state however that in the last 12 months I have inwardly started becoming the person I am, yes there are still expectations of others, and yes there are people who believe and have openly told me that I would amount to little, one said I would be a social misfit and still others have said "it will all work out" and the famous Australian expression, "she'll be right mate!" the magical statement or panacea for all that is wrong or difficult. On almost each of the occasions where people have commented or thought things I should be doing or should have done, I paused internally to reflect and can sincerely state that I have thankfully arrived at a point where my life is mine. Today is mine. I am free of the past, I am free of the shackles of thought and expectation that I believed held me back. True it is there are people who want to take me to task over this or that, but I am free of feeling shackled to thoughts or ideologies that I once allowed to dominate or dictate to me how I acted or reacted or lived.
What caused the change?
Coming to a realisation that as I have stated previously on the blog, that "if it's to be, it's up to me" (anonymous).There is no one singular moment that anything miraculous occurred. Over time I have just become so truly aware that I am a person of worth, if only to myself and that there need be no excuse, no fear of comparison, just be me, and I am doing "me" so much better than I was trying to do or be someone else.
A quote from a dear persons website I am borrowing because it says what I think and feel is this;
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams -
A regular visitor to the blog, Goldenrod, made a reference to me in answer to a comment I made on her blog that touched me and I will share it here. It was in answer to the word Druthers -
druther |ˈdrəðər| informal
noun (usu. one's druthers)
a person's preference in a matter : if I had my druthers, I would prefer to be a photographer.
adverb
rather; by preference.
ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from a U.S. regional pronunciation of I'd rather, contraction of would rather. Compare with ruther .
Goldenrods question was this;
My shortened answer was this;
Then Goldenrod wrote;
I have reflected on what she wrote for a few hours and am grateful for what she wrote. I have read widely and have discovered that there are a great many people whose biographies I have watched and read that highlighted often the different people's ability to see greatness in others and find it hard to see internally the same application.
In a major way I was glad to learn this, there have been times in my life when I felt "strung out" or "on a limb" thinking I was from mars or something, but there are people like me, who felt or feel similar which I found comforting. I have learned that the line between success and failure, life and death, hitting the mark and missing it, is a very fine line.
I am trying to live my life to be open to as many thoughts, as many experiences, and as many moments of inspiration as I can.
In a way I am glad I do not see easily within me the "wide recognition" that Goldenrod referred to, because I think that helps keep me grounded, helps keep me hungry and helps keep me focussed on trying always to DO better and to BE better! I am not in competition with others, just myself. I have learned to be comfortable being who I am, always striving to take better images and to reach a wider audience, but I am truly and honestly happy being "lil ole me". Oh and if the sexy looking scantily clad young Sherpas are female Goldenrod, I shall die a happy man! Hoping of course my eyes don't give out, which would be ironic wouldn't it!!
I thought this song describes a little of what I am feeling.
Here I go out to see again
the sunshine fills my hair
and dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes
you know it feels unfair
there's magic everywhere
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
Sun in your eyes
the heat is in your hair
they seem to hate you
because you're there
and I need a friend
Oh, I need a friend
to make me happy
not stand here on my own
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
I need a friend
oh, I need friend
to make me happy
not so alone.......
Look at me here
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
wonderful life, wonderful life
What caused the change?
Coming to a realisation that as I have stated previously on the blog, that "if it's to be, it's up to me" (anonymous).There is no one singular moment that anything miraculous occurred. Over time I have just become so truly aware that I am a person of worth, if only to myself and that there need be no excuse, no fear of comparison, just be me, and I am doing "me" so much better than I was trying to do or be someone else.
A quote from a dear persons website I am borrowing because it says what I think and feel is this;
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams -
A regular visitor to the blog, Goldenrod, made a reference to me in answer to a comment I made on her blog that touched me and I will share it here. It was in answer to the word Druthers -
druther |ˈdrəðər| informal
noun (usu. one's druthers)
a person's preference in a matter : if I had my druthers, I would prefer to be a photographer.
adverb
rather; by preference.
ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from a U.S. regional pronunciation of I'd rather, contraction of would rather. Compare with ruther .
Goldenrods question was this;
How would you like to pass on from this life? What would your druthers be? This is a serious question, and is by no means intended to be a joke.
My shortened answer was this;
My Druthers, never heard that before, would be to die after a momentous photo shoot, and have the images be a testament to the work I loved the most, and have those images be spectacular!
Then Goldenrod wrote;
You, Craig, are a wonderful photographer in your own right, altho you don't seem to have internalized the wide recognition you have already achieved and are currently receiving, and so I would very much like to see you get your druther to expire at the end of your most successful photo shoot ever ... ... hopefully, this will be when you're well into your toothless and addlepated 90's, barely able to get around even with the aid of a walker, and needing to have your prohibitively-expensive camera carried around and supported for this last shoot by magnificent-looking, scantily-clad, and very sexy young Sherpas!
I have reflected on what she wrote for a few hours and am grateful for what she wrote. I have read widely and have discovered that there are a great many people whose biographies I have watched and read that highlighted often the different people's ability to see greatness in others and find it hard to see internally the same application.
In a major way I was glad to learn this, there have been times in my life when I felt "strung out" or "on a limb" thinking I was from mars or something, but there are people like me, who felt or feel similar which I found comforting. I have learned that the line between success and failure, life and death, hitting the mark and missing it, is a very fine line.
I am trying to live my life to be open to as many thoughts, as many experiences, and as many moments of inspiration as I can.
In a way I am glad I do not see easily within me the "wide recognition" that Goldenrod referred to, because I think that helps keep me grounded, helps keep me hungry and helps keep me focussed on trying always to DO better and to BE better! I am not in competition with others, just myself. I have learned to be comfortable being who I am, always striving to take better images and to reach a wider audience, but I am truly and honestly happy being "lil ole me". Oh and if the sexy looking scantily clad young Sherpas are female Goldenrod, I shall die a happy man! Hoping of course my eyes don't give out, which would be ironic wouldn't it!!
I thought this song describes a little of what I am feeling.
Here I go out to see again
the sunshine fills my hair
and dreams hang in the air
Gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes
you know it feels unfair
there's magic everywhere
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
Sun in your eyes
the heat is in your hair
they seem to hate you
because you're there
and I need a friend
Oh, I need a friend
to make me happy
not stand here on my own
Look at me standing
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
I need a friend
oh, I need friend
to make me happy
not so alone.......
Look at me here
here on my own again
up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide
it's a wonderful, wonderful life
wonderful life, wonderful life
Comments
There will, no doubt, be a fairly extensive post on "Goldenrod's thoughts" within the next few days in re the sense of self-worth and the role that fathers play ... perhaps even an inclusion of one or two of your key sentences. It'll take a while to put together because I feel it will (and should!) be an important post.
You have become a good friend, Craig, and I hope that we will remain so for many many years to come.
PS. Of COURSE the Sherpas are of the female variety! :)
And why would you? You are a diamond in the ruff craig.
A spectacular human being all the way around.
Besides, if you are to capture your most spectacular shots ever, these shots are those of the Lord's handiwork. Put this to the test....