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I am very upset at the moment. Mum has decided in her wisdom, to avoid or "postpone" the surgery scheduled for Wednesday. If any who read this know her, please do not raise this with her, but I am so disappointed. She is confident she is making the right decision and feels at peace with it. ?#$!
She seemed genuinely surprised that we, her children got upset. She is even angry with us. What the ?
We found out by accident a few minutes ago when I phoned her about my sisters flight bookings. I accept it is her body and her life, but am dumbfounded that she bore no thought or even a thread of thought about including us in any of her discussions or decisions.
She is a woman who, it would seem, thinks more of her friends advice than she does of her family. Friends have encouraged her to take something which is in my opinion snake oil to a fearful person. She feels she will be cured, I certainly understand that she is fearful and afraid of the possible ramifications and changes upon her, but cancer is not a problem that you can hide from. It will still be there. Upon hearing from us and our combined frustration she said to me I have really learned something tonight, and sadly so have we. Irrespective of her friends advice and quack medicines, it is the choice of my mother to avoid the surgery. She asked me to leave her alone a few minutes ago and "leave me be" and thus will I comply.
A sad post I apologise for, but the frustration of her choice leaves me no other avenue to express my sadness, she simply doesn't want to hear our thoughts or feelings. Like Forest Gump said, "I have nothing more to say on that."
She seemed genuinely surprised that we, her children got upset. She is even angry with us. What the ?
We found out by accident a few minutes ago when I phoned her about my sisters flight bookings. I accept it is her body and her life, but am dumbfounded that she bore no thought or even a thread of thought about including us in any of her discussions or decisions.
She is a woman who, it would seem, thinks more of her friends advice than she does of her family. Friends have encouraged her to take something which is in my opinion snake oil to a fearful person. She feels she will be cured, I certainly understand that she is fearful and afraid of the possible ramifications and changes upon her, but cancer is not a problem that you can hide from. It will still be there. Upon hearing from us and our combined frustration she said to me I have really learned something tonight, and sadly so have we. Irrespective of her friends advice and quack medicines, it is the choice of my mother to avoid the surgery. She asked me to leave her alone a few minutes ago and "leave me be" and thus will I comply.
A sad post I apologise for, but the frustration of her choice leaves me no other avenue to express my sadness, she simply doesn't want to hear our thoughts or feelings. Like Forest Gump said, "I have nothing more to say on that."
Comments
Do you know who said that, Craig? It was YOU!
Unless you think she is in an advanced stage of dementia Alzheimer's, her decisions -- as faulty as you think they might be -- should be respected. She still needs your support. BE there!
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Goldenrod, I went back and re-read my post in case last night I was too emotional and gave the impression I was abandoning her, and not wishing to be there for her. I certainly didn't think that I was, nor will I.
I am not pleased with her decision in anyway, but I am accepting that she has made it and I respect her right to choose what she wishes. I cannot bring myself however to accept her choice with open arms.
My sister in law never went for breast screens in the Philippines because she was afraid of the costs and afraid of the financial burden it would bring to the family and consequently died of a particularly nasty and aggressive form of breast cancer. My wife has said that she is uncomfortable getting breast screening and pap tests but does so every year as much in tribute to her sister as for her son. In this country preventative health care and surgery is affordable for all. Two months postponement could have made a life saving difference to my sister-in-law being able to have had a mastectomy and or receive a high degree of care and yet Mum has chosen to ignore the preventative care. I said to her, that a postponement may in fact mean the difference between surviving what she has, and not being able to do anything more about it. The doctors obviously felt it important to schedule her for surgery 3 weeks after they observed changes.
I was very proud of myself speaking with Mum. I spoke warmly, respectfully and lovingly to her but was disarmed at her expressions of anger and lack of understanding that we, her children even cared as much. I said to her and state here for clarity, that I don't know for a moment the depth of what she is going through, but were I handed the same stack of cards I believe with all that I am I would undergo whatever to stay around for my family for as long as I could.
The sad part is that the two months postponement has come against medical advice and been made of her own volition because she feels good with the powder.I suggested she continue to take the powder and still undergo the surgery, to absolutely ensure she would be 100%. She doesn't want to.
I have not abandoned her, I am "HERE". But she asked me not to contact her for a while last night. My frustration was borne out of that. I was civil and caring and she certainly has not expressed any understanding how the other two children feel beside me, both of which are perplexed and feeling helpless. One sister is absolutely distraught, believing Mum just is giving up and wants to be done with it all.
Thanks for your reminder, but dont believe that I have withdrawn my support for her, but I find it hard to think that in a country like the Philippines where I lived for a couple of years and saw so much unnecessary suffering because most people don't have the money to address their major health concerns, and even in the US where the cost of health care is extremely high.
It is in my small way of thinking, obscene that in a country of plenty and such wonderful health care such as Australia has, compared to much of the world, people, including my mother, choose to self medicate. Choosing instead to ignore the wonderful and rich resources at her finger tips that others in poorer nations would absolutely envy and be jealous of. That's all.
I still love her, that has and will not change.
You have taken what is essentially a private family matter, and contrary to your mother's request to "leave [her] be" you have gone ahead and publicised it.
Now there are people from all over the world reading about it and formulating their own opinions on the matter. Not appropriate at all.
Your justification for this:
"...but the frustration of her choice leaves me no other avenue to express my sadness."
Surely you have many other avenues of expression. I do not believe that this was your only choice.
It is evident that you have a loving and supportive wife - why not express your sadness privately to her.
Clearly you have supportive and loving friends - why not express your sadness privately to them.
I know you are hurting, and I do feel for you. However, you have made a bad judgement call as to how you have handled this.
V2T
I do hope that your mother will be ok and I hope that you can find peace in the midst of your frustration.
V2T