"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." John Wooden
Comments
Anonymous said…
I find this quote interestingly intriguing. Shouldn't it follow that when you really and truly have a good moral character, you do things morally right at all cost at all times? And therefore a good (maybe unpopular but respected) reputation? Or is this a fallacy too?
As you said before, we can ask you about anything. So here is my question: Help me understand the application of this quote please because from an experience in the past, someone ( no names will be mentioned. I have learnt a lot from your previous blog entries regarding privacy issues) have hurt a dear friend (and us) by making us all believe everything this person told and promised us. We all bought the "wonder-full" reputation that this person presented to us. Then this happened---this person just chose to have nothing to do with us anymore being more concerned with character. What's this all about? How can someone claim to be more concerned with character and at the same time lie to deceive?
Do you have any words of wisdom as pertaining to this? I know you are not a trained counsellor, but you seem to have a wealth of experience on life and interactions from many people. i enjoy reading your thoughts. can you share your thoughts on this? My wife and I shall continue to visit your blog for it is good.
Anonymous said…
Anonymous, you have presented a really intriguing and rather deep question. I am interested in Craig's response to this.
To the person above... I am sorry to hear your account of hurt and betrayal. I have had several similar experiences and they have been both painful and bewildering.
Let me respond by stating this; True, I am not a counsellor and if we are open to the thought, I am not even a person who would be in a moral position to dispense advice on many topics at all! That said, I will answer as best I can.
Not knowing the exact situation you refer to, and yes I do appreciate your discretion in refraining from identifying the person, what is said and what follows is not necessarily logical or based in your reality. Have you thought of changing the paradigm? permit me to explain, for those who may not entirely grasp what I am saying.
Consider the example given by Stephen R. Covey who explains the frustration early one morning being on a train in New York. The train came to a stop the doors opened and a couple of young children boarded the train with an adult. As the journey recommenced the children were noisy and interfering with fellow adult travelers and he leaned over to the man and said similar words to the following, Excuse me Sir, your children are interfering with people on the train, shouldn't you stop them,? they are bothering some of the commuters. The man responded that he had just left the hospital where the children's mother had died and he didn't know how to tell them or what to do.
Stephen Covey reported that INSTANTLY, his PARADIGM or WAY OF LOOKING at the situation changed. Instantly, he went from being critical and unsympathetic to caring and being genuinely interested in being of some assistance.
Perhaps what I am saying is, that when you say the person has lied and deceived you, have you walked in their shoes? Do you honestly know that what you feel is totally true or real?- to the person concerned? No sarcasm or reproof in that question, tis just a simple honest question.
We have all heard and know, that there are two sides to every story, yet we often, myself included, believe what we think is right, often it is only partially right. And the small part that isn't, when revealed can alter significantly the outcome or our belief.
I have the feeling that my response will bring all sorts of questions out of the woodwork, but it is an honest expression of what I feel and believe.
I was in a situation one time with a couple of people and I sensed they wanted to ask me some questions about me, and about choices and reasons around a particular decision I made, I even vocalised the feeling, that IF they wanted to ask me any question, I would answer it. The two people looked at me and one of them smiled. I took that to mean that my intuitive feeling or hunch was real, but the topic was never approached. Which is fine to. I believe that sometimes Time, has a way of preparing us to accept answers to questions which may have not yet been properly formed.
Jean-Claude Van Damme, in the '93 movie, "Nowhere to Run", has just a wonderful one-liner in response to a very angry man shouting in his face, "Do you know who I am?!?" Jean-Claude calmly replied, "I know WHAT you are."
(This film was not listed among my all-time favorites, but it should have been. I simply forgot about it. It'll be there next year.)
Anyway, the John Wooden quote immediately reminded me of the dialogue from that movie.
Comments
As you said before, we can ask you about anything. So here is my question: Help me understand the application of this quote please because from an experience in the past, someone ( no names will be mentioned. I have learnt a lot from your previous blog entries regarding privacy issues) have hurt a dear friend (and us) by making us all believe everything this person told and promised us. We all bought the "wonder-full" reputation that this person presented to us. Then this happened---this person just chose to have nothing to do with us anymore being more concerned with character. What's this all about? How can someone claim to be more concerned with character and at the same time lie to deceive?
Do you have any words of wisdom as pertaining to this? I know you are not a trained counsellor, but you seem to have a wealth of experience on life and interactions from many people. i enjoy reading your thoughts. can you share your thoughts on this? My wife and I shall continue to visit your blog for it is good.
To the person above... I am sorry to hear your account of hurt and betrayal. I have had several similar experiences and they have been both painful and bewildering.
True, I am not a counsellor and if we are open to the thought, I am not even a person who would be in a moral position to dispense advice on many topics at all! That said, I will answer as best I can.
Not knowing the exact situation you refer to, and yes I do appreciate your discretion in refraining from identifying the person, what is said and what follows is not necessarily logical or based in your reality. Have you thought of changing the paradigm? permit me to explain, for those who may not entirely grasp what I am saying.
Consider the example given by Stephen R. Covey who explains the frustration early one morning being on a train in New York. The train came to a stop the doors opened and a couple of young children boarded the train with an adult. As the journey recommenced the children were noisy and interfering with fellow adult travelers and he leaned over to the man and said similar words to the following, Excuse me Sir, your children are interfering with people on the train, shouldn't you stop them,? they are bothering some of the commuters. The man responded that he had just left the hospital where the children's mother had died and he didn't know how to tell them or what to do.
Stephen Covey reported that INSTANTLY, his PARADIGM or WAY OF LOOKING at the situation changed. Instantly, he went from being critical and unsympathetic to caring and being genuinely interested in being of some assistance.
Perhaps what I am saying is, that when you say the person has lied and deceived you, have you walked in their shoes? Do you honestly know that what you feel is totally true or real?- to the person concerned? No sarcasm or reproof in that question, tis just a simple honest question.
We have all heard and know, that there are two sides to every story, yet we often, myself included, believe what we think is right, often it is only partially right. And the small part that isn't, when revealed can alter significantly the outcome or our belief.
I have the feeling that my response will bring all sorts of questions out of the woodwork, but it is an honest expression of what I feel and believe.
I was in a situation one time with a couple of people and I sensed they wanted to ask me some questions about me, and about choices and reasons around a particular decision I made, I even vocalised the feeling, that IF they wanted to ask me any question, I would answer it. The two people looked at me and one of them smiled. I took that to mean that my intuitive feeling or hunch was real, but the topic was never approached. Which is fine to. I believe that sometimes Time, has a way of preparing us to accept answers to questions which may have not yet been properly formed.
Hope that helps.
Craig
(This film was not listed among my all-time favorites, but it should have been. I simply forgot about it. It'll be there next year.)
Anyway, the John Wooden quote immediately reminded me of the dialogue from that movie.