From the heart

Tonight whilst sitting alone in a darkened hotel room, I sit here tapping at the keys of my computer, listening to some wonderful music and feeling reflective and happy.

Let me explain, I have made references countless times to the amazing number of faults that I have. Let me assure you all for the absolute last time, I am no angel, and certainly not worthy of being called a saint in the common judeo Christian understanding of the term. I have made errors, many more than I should have. I have hurt people along my life's path and feel deep and sincere regret for feelings hurt and for choices and decisions that have been made in haste that have impacted on some others. No if's or buts, or even excuses.

I guess I get saddened when I can forgive, even myself, and find others less likely to feel so to do. It is increasingly curious to me that some of the people who have felt wronged and offended by me, now actively seek to humiliate and embarrass me. Some time ago the regular visitors to my blog will have noticed an absence of posting and an unusual quiet period from me. This was essentially because I became quite disappointed and disillusioned how my comments could have been so misinterpreted and so misunderstood.

Even when I went to great lengths to state how I TRULY felt, I was told that essentially I was a liar. I became somewhat withdrawn from saying much at all as a result. I became increasingly aware that there are people who have become embittered toward me from situations that are extraneous to this blog, and chose to use my blog to reveal to you all a situation that they are convinced would embarrass me, humiliate me and render me inconsequential and in such a state, be exposed and shamed for the charlatan they paint me to be.

In the mind space and quandary I found myself in yesterday and because the comments they raised affected and hurt people close to me who read the comments last night, I chose to withdraw the comments and delete them permanently. WITHOUT any suggestion or encouragement from another soul. This was done not to "hide" or keep secret anything but because it directly impacted other people. I thereby instituted an author initiated comment system. This was not done so without much thought and disappointment on my part, having been proud to allow and even foster free comment. But when comments are made against me, I can live with them, but I protest vigorously when they affect another. I will quote verbatim the unpublished comments I have been sent today in response to this action.

You're a SICKO Craig. You think you can hide your crap. maybe you can, but for how long? The smell still lingers around. it will be exposed. You want to play this kind of game... OK, let's play the game. We were right all along, weren't we? Up close and personal issues, you immediately cover up.

You are a deceiver , a one of a kind! No names were mentioned in that comment. Why delete it? Only you knew we were talking about you. You are scared. Your tail is between your legs. You're afraid that your blog fans will see the real you--- a LIAR and SELFISH HOPELESS DREAMER. We feel sorry for your family and friends who trust you not knowing what you do behind their backs.

But wait there's more!

Wowie! A cosmetic surgery of this post overnight? Why Craig? and now all of a sudden a comment moderation has been enabled? Why was the comment i posted late last night giving you a simple honest answer to your "simple honest question" deleted? Too hot to handle? Too revealing a story? Might implicate someone we all know? Please explain. ( We know you wouldn't.) I'm glad I had a copy of all the comments made on this particular post before some deletions were made. Maybe i can try and post the comments again later. This is a very amusing phenomenon that has just occured.

This is such mindless nonsense. I have quoted these here to put an end to the written diarrhea these people peddle as if to hold an emotional secret over me as if I will live in fear at the news coming out. These people grasp at straws, and think they KNOW the facts without ever having asked me, or have the maturity to accept that what I say concerning the matter would be truthful anyway. I place this here because i wanted it to be clear to all of you that if you might be "put off" by reading the blog of a winner, a sinner and a flawed being, perhaps now is the time to bid you adieu. I will continue to seek for positive stories and thoughts not to place myself as a pariah or a saint, but merely a person who again, tries to be better today than yesterday.

To end this post, I will use a small quote from one of the people referred to in the comments above, the comments were said by someone who loves me much more than she should, and wrote this to me in an email tonight.

Well, surely enough those "comments" under "Words to live by..." were more than I would have liked to read. But don't
worry, I'm OK. I really am. There wasn't anything that was said there that we haven't addressed already. I'm glad we have talked about them openly in the past.

Is it any wonder I love this woman and chose to be with her? I do think Marcelina is an angel, she deserves better than me though! She embodies the very things she believes in like love, unconditionally, forgiveness and understanding. I give her my sincerest respect, appreciation and love.

I forwarded these comments and other details to a friend of mine in a position to address this form of harassment and behaviour. I expressed my disappointment at these actions. That said, the matter is being looked at, and I am satisfied with his response. Here endeth this matter, and topic as far as I am concerned.