A path to understanding

Marcelina and I had the opportunity the other day to meet with Denzel's school teacher who was wanting to discuss some more of his developmental strategies to ensure that his time at school is maximised. It was interesting to "see" him at school. Apparently he is very quiet and somewhat reserved. Something he certainly is not at home. I listened as the teacher asked him to do things and saw his vague expression. I said, perhaps the way you are asking him is foreign to the way we ask him, for example she was saying "Denzel would you please sit down?" to which he looked unsure, and then I said to Denzel, "Sit down chair?" which he then proceeded to do straight away.

It made me think on a much wider scope of how we do things generally. Often the way in which I am asked to do something can really affect the outcome. Certainly I can become more belligerent if I determine whether some people ask in a condescending way or whatever, but I am speaking more so of the way we engage people generally through questions. We rarely think that they may have a hearing impediment, and rather form conclusions about them being rude or ignorant. One wonderful lady said last night that she is affected by hearing loss, and then her mother is as well, and that their family has a disposition to hearing loss. It causes me to endeavour to be more understanding that if people are slow to respond that it may be the delivery or the instruction or question itself from me which is at fault, not the person.

Denzel's teacher said that he is more technically able than others in his class, he can read basic to medium things and even if he cannot say a word "properly" he will always give the word a go. They said though that he doesn't fit the mold of what they expected the developmental level to be. He is more advanced and they fear he gets bored, and so were asking us how to be more effective with his learning. We gave them insights to Denzel. He responds to choices, that are clear and that appeal to him on "HIS" terms or currency. In other words, give him choices that are valuable to him, not the person offering.



Denzel also will fall asleep in school and they asked about his sleep apnoea but I said largely Denzel will fall asleep if he is bored. which was illuminating for them. They gave us an example that they will ask Denzel what he wants to do by showing him a CD or asking if he is tired. I said to them that is good, but you should ask him a straight question when you show him the CD like, Denzel sleepy, tired? or Denzel listen to the music? and I know that Denzel will pick the music 95% of the time. It is all in the way he is asked, if it's in his currency, again.

I was chatting last evening when we were visiting with some friends that Denzel is totally deaf in one ear and hears about 80% through his remaining ear. Though the way he says words is largely because his hearing is affected. People sometimes look at him and think he is "silly" or incoherent and rarely think that it is because the things he hears at a normal volume level of speech is impaired and therefore doesn't know you are talking to him. He doesn't know how to say could you please repeat that because I cannot language you!

I once knew a guy who could not understand or more specifically process information on things as correctly as most but had learned a way of letting you know his issues and would often say to people who didn't know him, or spoke fast, "I cannot language you". He also said once as we were on a dusty road in the Philippines, "The road is very powder!" indeed it was. I resisted telling him how he should say it properly because it became a frustration trying to explain, as something I thought was simple to grasp was in fact very difficult for him to absorb. In a short time, I learned to appreciate him just for the person he was / is. So in a round about way, that is what I also want for Denzel, that he has people around him who always appreciate him with his own unique qualities and love him for the way he is, not worry because he doesn't fit the mold. This is no way a rebuke to the teacher, I know she loves Denzel, it is just an observation I have felt would be worthy of sharing to help us all become a little more tolerant and understanding of others.



We are blessed that at least when people look at Denzel they can see there is a "problem" or can at least recognise he has Downs. A friend of ours said it is much harder when the child appears regular or "normal" but had awkward behaviour because they have autism, and until people learn that fact they look at you with disgust and are rude because they think your child is just being obnoxious. It is interesting isn't it. We form conclusions generally, so easily. I submit that often our conclusions are flawed. So, with that in mind, here's to a better understanding and more tolerant me. Be great if it could catch on ha!