Island of lost souls
It has been a very busy week for me. I have been very tired and drained, but happy through it all. I am again so very grateful for this blog, for the feedback, both good and bad and also the chance I have to interact with many other people around the world through their blogs. I feel truly connected and apart of something much bigger than me and feel that inspite of our relative geographic differences, we feel similarly.
It has caused me to think a lot this week about contrasts. Contrasts of feeling, geography, weather, economic circumstances, emotions, attitudes and lives.
Interesting that two people and more can look at a given situation and see everything so differently. In recent times I had some detractors post some unkind remarks, and even this week was surprised to have a comment which I chose to delete, which saw my post below on Gear shift in a far removed way than I did. It again reminded me of the differences we see things in, and the differences of our life influences. It is interesting to see yourself through the eyes of others. I have been told this past week that it is not that you are showing off, or saying look at me here on the blog, but that you are like a little kid filled with excitement and just want to share. I pondered much on this for a couple of days and really felt it resonated with me. It is not always easy to see yourself the way others do, but I am getting used to being more open about it. It is still tender at times though. I am grateful for the positive impact that others have on my life.
After re-reading the last post, I was filled with a thread that was not hard to pick up on, but often overlooked, and that is that I am so very grateful for life, for my life and all the elements that harmoniously blend.
I read a post on a blog this week as well that expressed a confusion and disappointment with people and the pessimism that seems to exist with people generally of late here in OZ. Heaven only knows that we have companies like starbucks closing down 19 outlets and having 600 people lose their jobs, other companies closing down, economic indicators telling us that we are in for a hard time, and a host of other things to suggest we should be gloomy.
I am choosing to look for the silver lining however. I am so passionate and grateful for life and grateful for friends who help shape and influence my path. There are so many areas where I fall short by comparison to others, but I think comparisons can be flawed and sometimes counter productive.
I recall my school days with some degree of mixed feeling when I felt that I never fitted the mould that was being suggested. I never felt better than anyone, in fact the reverse was true. I became a little bitter when my father died when I was 14. My life changed and altered for me much more than I would have ever known.
I had mixed feelings about my dad and only have three happy memories with him and a host of other memories that weren't so good. But I am genuinely happy with where I am right now. If I had to take a snapshot of where I am and where I want to be there are subtle differences but I am happy because I choose to be. I marvel that when I have said that to some people they get into a philosophical argument about how "silly" that notion is and how I should see things more clearly. I smile, because you cannot win those points. For me I choose to be happy, because what they do not know is, that when I did see "clearly" once, I was so depressed and considered checking out of life. For me, come hell or high water, I have to look for the good for my own sense of well being. Pessimism is an insidious disease that leads to separation and depression. I have been surprised to see a growing number of signs around Sydney lately that are called Beyond blue, an organisation created to help men deal with depression, and help the "tough" men understand that it is a real concern and it doesn't mean you are less of a man to go and seek help. I never used their services but believe that commensurate with the increase in signs around there must also be a growing number of men in particular who are struggling emotionally, though that may be a very unpopular thing to say.
I am fortunate though that in the instance I referred to earlier with my own experience, that I sat back took a deep breath and recognised that I was in a dark place and so I chose to "get out" of that thinking by surrounding myself with people who were positive, and surrounding myself with books, music and influences that inspired and over some time felt that I had finally left the island of lost souls. Since that time of departure, I have truly been able to see the beauty and wonder that is all around me. Admittedly, it takes a little effort to look for the good sometimes, but it is there for those who have eyes to see.
It is my wish in this post to share a small insight into why I am the way I am and also encourage each of us to reach a little higher, walk a little taller and be a little kinder. Just imagine the way the world would be if we could realise that. Ok I am a dreamer, but let me ask what's wrong with that?
It has caused me to think a lot this week about contrasts. Contrasts of feeling, geography, weather, economic circumstances, emotions, attitudes and lives.
Interesting that two people and more can look at a given situation and see everything so differently. In recent times I had some detractors post some unkind remarks, and even this week was surprised to have a comment which I chose to delete, which saw my post below on Gear shift in a far removed way than I did. It again reminded me of the differences we see things in, and the differences of our life influences. It is interesting to see yourself through the eyes of others. I have been told this past week that it is not that you are showing off, or saying look at me here on the blog, but that you are like a little kid filled with excitement and just want to share. I pondered much on this for a couple of days and really felt it resonated with me. It is not always easy to see yourself the way others do, but I am getting used to being more open about it. It is still tender at times though. I am grateful for the positive impact that others have on my life.
After re-reading the last post, I was filled with a thread that was not hard to pick up on, but often overlooked, and that is that I am so very grateful for life, for my life and all the elements that harmoniously blend.
I read a post on a blog this week as well that expressed a confusion and disappointment with people and the pessimism that seems to exist with people generally of late here in OZ. Heaven only knows that we have companies like starbucks closing down 19 outlets and having 600 people lose their jobs, other companies closing down, economic indicators telling us that we are in for a hard time, and a host of other things to suggest we should be gloomy.
I am choosing to look for the silver lining however. I am so passionate and grateful for life and grateful for friends who help shape and influence my path. There are so many areas where I fall short by comparison to others, but I think comparisons can be flawed and sometimes counter productive.
I recall my school days with some degree of mixed feeling when I felt that I never fitted the mould that was being suggested. I never felt better than anyone, in fact the reverse was true. I became a little bitter when my father died when I was 14. My life changed and altered for me much more than I would have ever known.
I had mixed feelings about my dad and only have three happy memories with him and a host of other memories that weren't so good. But I am genuinely happy with where I am right now. If I had to take a snapshot of where I am and where I want to be there are subtle differences but I am happy because I choose to be. I marvel that when I have said that to some people they get into a philosophical argument about how "silly" that notion is and how I should see things more clearly. I smile, because you cannot win those points. For me I choose to be happy, because what they do not know is, that when I did see "clearly" once, I was so depressed and considered checking out of life. For me, come hell or high water, I have to look for the good for my own sense of well being. Pessimism is an insidious disease that leads to separation and depression. I have been surprised to see a growing number of signs around Sydney lately that are called Beyond blue, an organisation created to help men deal with depression, and help the "tough" men understand that it is a real concern and it doesn't mean you are less of a man to go and seek help. I never used their services but believe that commensurate with the increase in signs around there must also be a growing number of men in particular who are struggling emotionally, though that may be a very unpopular thing to say.
I am fortunate though that in the instance I referred to earlier with my own experience, that I sat back took a deep breath and recognised that I was in a dark place and so I chose to "get out" of that thinking by surrounding myself with people who were positive, and surrounding myself with books, music and influences that inspired and over some time felt that I had finally left the island of lost souls. Since that time of departure, I have truly been able to see the beauty and wonder that is all around me. Admittedly, it takes a little effort to look for the good sometimes, but it is there for those who have eyes to see.
It is my wish in this post to share a small insight into why I am the way I am and also encourage each of us to reach a little higher, walk a little taller and be a little kinder. Just imagine the way the world would be if we could realise that. Ok I am a dreamer, but let me ask what's wrong with that?
Comments
There is a great world of difference between pessimism and genuine biochemical depression.
Attitudinal pessimism can be altered quite simply with an attitude change and with immersion in positivity.
Genuine biochemical depression cannot be altered in the same manner, it is not that simple. It is a deep, dark, dangerous hole with very slippery sides and it requires professional assessment and assistance. It is an imbalance in the brain chemistry involving chemical messengers such as serotonin and dopamine. Left untreated, it is physically and mentally immobilising and the outcome can be terribly tragic.
Genuine biochemical depression is prevalent, even in primary school aged children. Suicide is becoming more common throughout Australia and statistics show that it is continually on the rise, more so amongst teenagers and the men in our farming communities; the hopelessness of our long-term drought has taken its toll.
Hence, the formulation of organisations such as Beyond Blue and the Kids Call Line. The "Beyond Blue" foundation reaches out to all people. It originally focused on women with postpartum depression, but it has extended its reach to all genders, ages and people.
People can struggle with biochemical depression for many years and not realise that they have a genuine medical illness. They many think that they just need to change their attitude or try to think positively. Respite from the mental turmoil requires much more than that. If you are reading this blog and feel that you are struggling with depression, please seek professional assistance.
The fact that you were able to pull yourself up from the quagmire you were in speaks volumes for your strong will to live and sense of self -- the latter, by the way, most of us get from our fathers. I have a somewhat similar background in re my own father, but only THREE happy memories? That's sad, very sad.
May I say that someone who tells me that I do not feel the way I do or how "silly" I am for feeling that way (in your case, "happy") is someone I want OUT of my life! I feel how I feel how I feel. Period. End of story. I draw a very firm line at people commenting on my feelings, but that's just me. It took me only about 40+ years to learn that -- well, maybe closer to 50, and each year I find myself getting just a bit stronger and more 'centered'.
I have written, MANY times, about our nation of 'bitchers' -- seemingly encouraged by the media. Am not a bit surprised to find the same thing exists in what you call OZ.
I doubt very much that more men are struggling emotionally. While that certainly might be the case, I would suggest instead that more men are FInally finding themselves being allowed by their peers to express openly some of their doubts and anxieties. Probably a very healthy turn of events.
As I said at the beginning of this comment, there's a lot of 'meat'.
Congratulations on putting such a fine post together, and that title was a zinger!
(By the way, I'd have commented much earlier today, but I didn't have the time to study what you'd written. Spent some hours visiting friends, which was nice.)
Wonderful comment handled with care and respect.
I am so tire having gone nearly 48 hours with 3:45mins sleep, and my responses are slow, but couldn't wait to say how much I relate to your comments about people who feel to comment on the way we feel and the like. Arrrgh!
I have written the first chapter in my biography which was up on this blog in it's inception and I might place it here again. It is the brightest chapter, the following two I am working on and find myself stuck in a veritable land mine of emotions in connection to my birth family of which I am number 14 of 15. It will give you much more insight into me.
I am the anonymous poster who commented on biochemical depression.
I choose to concentrate on trying to help others who struggle with it because I genuinely understand it and the stigma that can be attached to it.
It is often a familial trait - my parents and their siblings also suffered with it. It will often run in families as it does in mine. Suicide can often run in families as it does in mine.
Sometimes people try to cope with depression by self medicating hence, things like alcoholism will often run in families as it does in mine. Alcoholism can be a means of coping with depression.
Depression is a multi-layered, multi-faceted debilitating disability. Hopefully, the stigma can be further dissolved so that people will feel that they can speak up and reach out for help.
Constant and/or regular sleep deprivation is one of the factors that can trigger depressive episodes in individuals who may have a predisposition to depression.
Obviously you are a proactive person who bathes himself in positivity when feeling low.
Nevertheless,... take care of yourself and get some sleep.
As for the sleep, yes I am convinced I need more rest and took that opportunity this afternoon!
Sunday's a day of rest, and I followed that sage advice.
Dreams give us inspiration and purpose. Keep dreaming and keep sharing those dreams with us.
Your blog is a bright, interesting and stimulating place to visit.
LisC
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and summing up so well what many of us have felt before.
I battle depression, also, and have found trying to stay positive is sometimes the only way to keep afloat. I am glad that I've been able to keep it *fairly* in check lately.
Anyway, I agree with your anonymous commenter....sleep deprivation does usually make depression worse.
Take care of yourself. :)
Also, I wanted to comment on the photos lately. You take nice photos. But more than "nice," you take UNIQUE photos. From angles and in lights that most of us would never even think of. You are great at what you do. Please keep sharing them with us!
And - that photo of you and your son on the bench (on your blog's sidebar) is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. :)
As for taking the family, not really, Denzel can be demanding at best and if he doesn't want to be somewhere he has his own way of making life hard for anyone who is with him so they get the message, it is often best he stays home when I travel with work. He is too heavy for Marcelina to handle alone when out from the home environment. But I am glad you like the one of us on the chair, it is one of my personal favourites as well.