Looking through the lens

There are occasions in my life when I feel that I am living on a different plane to those around me. Not that in anyway I feel I am better or worse than others, there are just times when I feel and seem to live differently in the way I think and act. I would like to think that I have overcome the need to compare myself to others, realising fully that there will always be people who are greater and lesser than I. Greater and lesser in terms of finances, abilities, perhaps even camera equipment and experience. That said, I am happy for the person I am, I am happy for the talents and abilities I am blessed with, and happy for the experiences I have been a part of, I would love my finances to be better, but who wouldn't, though overall, I am happy with my life. I don't wish to be anyone else, I am happy just being me, warts and all.

I wrote a response to a post made by a visitor to this blog, that I am blessed and cursed with an ability to care for my fellow beings and was asked to share how that can be a curse. For me, I have a genuine care about people generally. I also feel and believe that the courtesy and respect I extend to others is deserved by me in return. THAT is where it can be a curse for me. I am often disappointed when people fail to acknowledge their thoughts and feelings on things I have done for them. Permit me to explain.

In my photography I don't do this just as a job, I put my whole heart and soul into what I do. I need to know that I have given the images my all. Each and every time I pick up my camera I do so with the view that ALL my combined experience and ability to see into the world, people or situations will silently come to the fore and allow me to look at a situation differently and create images of insight, flair and beauty. I constantly challenge myself, and am often thinking at the very moment I take pictures, how would this look if I was here, or there, or up high or down low. I am trying to give you an insight into the inner workings of what is going on with me when I photographically shoot.

Now, I am often disappointed because many people don't ever say thank you. It is becoming a forgotten term it would seem. Perhaps the error is not with those who do not say thanks, the fault may well be mine. Perhaps me expecting a thank you or a shred of acknowledgement is the fault or real curse I face. I have examined myself and wondered is it that I am like a pet that needs to be stroked occasionally to feel my self worth? You can draw your own conclusions, but I do not believe that to be the case. What many people fail to realise, or even care about, is that when I create photographs or graphics for calendars, CD's, portraits or whatever, there is a very tangible part of me within my work. There is a metaphorical umbilical chord that connects me to it, and to have my passion be shared with some people and treated with varying degrees of indifference saddens me somewhat. That said, there are many people who love what I do, and I am very grateful for that. I am constantly surprised when people I have known for a long time seem amazed at my work - it is a nice thing to watch and be a part of. Photography has allowed me to be creative and to express myself in a way that truly satisfies me, irrespective of what others think or feel. It is just a sweeter experience when others enjoy it also.