Developing - Rising higher

For the longest time, I have been on a journey of discovery, of defining and honing my creative abilities, and for seeking to find the best within, and develop those attributes or talents to a point where I can achieve some personal dreams. I was the son of a widowed mother at age 14, and the son of parents who rarely achieved much that would be hailed by others as great or worthy of accolade, yet they were good years, defining years for me and I remain a very fortunate son, raised by parents who cared and who sacrificed what little they had to open up opportunities for me. I am grateful..

I have sought for the highest within myself particularly over the last 10 years, as though the sands in my life's hourglass were running out more rapidly, and indeed they are. I undertook to be the best, have the best and be associated with the best for the longest time, as though the "best" is where I needed to be as though THAT would give me the fountain of all the worlds bounty. In a small measure I have achieved that and found also, that when you travel consistently on a road for a high speed like 110 kilometres an hour for a sustained period of time, it appears that the speed is slow, until you approach a truck traveling much slower in your lane and quickly change, or when you exit the motorway and hit 50 km/h do you become keenly aware of just how fast you are going. Perception is a changing and sobering thing.

So, having achieved a small measure of the things I have been seeking, it previously had never been enough. I have wanted a bigger house with a studio, grounds that I could use as photographic backgrounds etc etc. and whilst in a sense I still want these outward things for personal reasons. I have discovered well by accident that the greatest journey I have been on is the journey of discovering and developing talents and overcoming fears. The greatest journey has NOT been the accumulation of accolades and "things". I have achieved something I had never imagined possible in the simplest of realisations. I COULD and CAN do what I imagine. In and of that purity of understanding I am at complete peace. I once said to someone years ago who asked me "what would you like to be doing in 5 years time?" I said, being able to take portraits of people, like celebrities in their homes where I have been invited there to do that, and to have my work appreciated. I have absolutely done this but had until recently little idea, that it was something I had in fact created. It is indeed true, we are what we believe we are, we achieve what we imagine we can, and do what we think we can. Conversely, if we say we can't, we won't. If we think we can't, we don't.

I have several talented friends who have talents like singing, painting, sculpting and model creation. For the most part these people, my friends, are simply amazing and dear to me, but on a whole other level I yearn for them, yearn that they have not achieved what I imagine their potential to be. True, these thoughts and feelings are based on something I imagine and want for them, and may have no bearing on what THEY want for themselves and if they don't, well that of course is their prerogitive. Though I have glimpsed inwardly that fear holds them back in some way. Perhaps even the fear of failure.

Fear is a massive thing. Humans have fears of almost everything. On my wall once I was given a newspaper cut-out which said in bold letters, what are you afraid of? I was given this with the vocalised expression to not have all the dreams and do nothing about them, make them your own and don't be afraid. Fear is one of those things that can lurk in the darkness and strike when we least expect it, perhaps we are called upon without notice to stand in a room full of people to introduce ourselves, and tell others of our likes and dislikes, or it can come when we are about to start a race, or even happen when people come into our sphere whom want to develop who they are, and we may feel threatened or compromised by their presence or previous achievements. There are constantly people within my small sphere of influence who seek to minimise me or what I do, or at best want to compete with me as though I should PROVE my photographic or other ability in a match off or some lame thing like that. Whilst on such occasions I can feel a mixture of anger, disappointment, competitiveness, and confusion - they are fleeting.

I have fully developed an understanding that I alluded to earlier. I recognise that the only person I race with is myself. There will always be people better than me, always people who are not at the level I am but the real challenge I feel about life is to not be, or even feel less than others. I have observed that self - worth or it's enemy self- loathing, are powerful motivators in opposite directions. I feel that there are so many people whose self worth has received a battering over time that they seek to hide it and like most talents or things we have that are rarely used or abandoned, we lose them forever. They can also have massive negative connotations if we go to that "dark side" as well.

However, I have only recently at least on a deeply personal heartfelt level, begun to see that I know nothing. The things I think I know, are not true for all people that I meet. Our life experiences are so diverse and so wonderfully different, I find that I have been blissfully creating "rules" about life and about people only to have them splinter and be dissected by experiences and developing over time. What I do know of a surety however is that each of us wants to be loved, recognised and appreciated. Each of us deserves that too, I hasten to add. Yet it would seem that we are seeking to isolate ourselves or pitt ourselves against one another more often to prove we are better only to find that the ground on which we stand in those instances is a little empty or lonely. It is written that no man is an island, I think that resonates with me. Whilst I am very comfortable in my own skin, with its incumbent weaknesses, I love other people, and would be lost without social interaction with family, friends and people generally.

I am not in competition with anyone and am genuinely happy when others achieve. I am proud that my pictures find an audience. I am deeply gratified when people comment about my blog, which surprises me in many instances when certain people even read it, recognising that for the most part, I do this as a way of understanding and appreciating the small slice of the world I find myself in, it is also a way for me to understand it all a bit more.

May I in closing, simply encourage each of us to develop more of the talents that we all have. As much to inspire others but more for the fulfilment we can feel at any age when we stretch our envelope a little and try something new. Good intentions are not enough, begin...NOW. Too often we are always getting ready to live, and before we know it time runs out. Think of something you’ve never done before but secretly would like to do, and then start taking steps toward it. Do not be polarised by what others think or feel, just DO IT.

I promise, that for those who push the bounds and develop talents will discover that wonder, self worth, appreciation and self respect will follow. It is those things that help guide the "inner compass' as a friend said to me the other day, that can guide, motivate, lift and inspire many people. Life is here and Life is NOW. Live well.

To have passion, to have a dream, to have a purpose in life. And there are three components to that purpose, one is to find out who you really are, to discover God, the second is to serve other human beings, because we are here to do that and the third is to express your unique talents and when you are expressing your unique talents you lose track of time.
Deepak Chopra

I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.
Albert Einstein

Confidence can get you where you want to go, and getting there is a daily process. It’s so much easier when you feel good about yourself, your abilities and talents.
Donald Trump

Each spiritual journey begins with a step forward—the moment when you realize that there's more to life than you've been living.
~Vicky Thompson

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

Our lives are indeed made in the small hours, and whilst time does fade away, the way we feel or felt in those instances or small hours will, with our heart, be what matters in the end. Live well, our moment here is all too fleeting.