In search of Gratitude.

Today I am grateful for all those things that go missing because their absence reminds me of how blessed I am to have had them at all.
-- Kate Nowak

A relative had their belongings stolen recently and the feelings that fill you on such an occasion cover a wide range of emotion. Whilst we can get angry and upset as a natural consequence, this quote came across my desk and made such an impact upon me I felt to include it as a post for setting a different personal standard. It changes the whole paradigm and creates a deeper sense of gratitude. Well it did within me anyway.

That also leads me to share a personal thought or three on gratitude, and my understanding generally. I have recently been asked to send copies of pictures to different people via email whilst I was photographing different people, places or events, and have on the majority of incidents always done so.

Why?

perhaps because I live with the continual optimism that I never know where that contact may lead, thinking for future work, opportunities etc. Though I do send the images via email I have sadly become aware that very few people ever say thank you. It would appear that very few people actually care unless something major happens. I accept that we are all busy and it is easy in the time we live in to become oblivious to others as a nation and global community generally, we become more self absorbed with the issues that we all face. But in that process I have noticed the silent swooning of a dear and present character soon to go the way of all the earth, called gratitude.

In my brief life experience, I can see that ingratitude is not confined to a race, a demographic, or even an age group, it seems to be prevalent throughout. It would appear that gratitude is closely tied with other traits like respect, courtesy including please and thank you. I was at a restaurant recently and when the waitress delivered the meal to Denzel I leaned to his good ear and said "what do you say?" and a loud and very present answer when he was ogling his meal was THANK YOU!!! the waitress said to him, wow you do have good manners and turned and walked away. The same scenario was repeated after dessert was delivered. I asked the waitress is it rare that people say thank you? she responded by saying some people mumble and most don't say much at all.

Very sad.

I was in a line recently, much to my chagrin, when a woman said "'scuse" (slang for excuse me) meaning get out of the way and let me through, to which I responded "what happened to please?" and got a filthy how dare you talk to me like that look.

If the person asking me to "SCUSE" was a youth I would have expected little more, but this woman was in her mid to late 50's.

On another occasion I was in a McDonalds drive thru and ordered a healthy and low calorie Chicken Tandoori snack wrap when as soon as I said that to the place order here box in the driveway a voice bellowed thru the speaker "that all?" I said yeah I would like a bottle of water as well, "that all?" comes bellowing again, I said I think so, "drive to the next window" came out at me from the speaker. I drove to the window and said, perhaps you should ask "Is there anything else you would like? instead of "that all?" "it might be more conducive to me buying more!". I don't think she knew what conducive meant, and judging by the, here's another wise guy look she had grimaced on her face, she didn't care. I figure I have officially become an alien.

Make no mistake I am not interested in becoming an authority on, or teacher of, or even a champion of decency and courtesy. Though it may appear otherwise in the nature of this post. I find that if I continue to remain silent about the demise of manners and basic, home grown courtesy, I am in fact agreeing with its passing, and I don't. Perhaps the real key here is "Home Grown". I suspect, that the things taught in the home vary ever so widely and ever so carelessly in the growing homes of the general world populous.

A person I will call here as a friend, but is really only the husband of a young lady I have known for many years was unemployed recently, and for a long period of time. It came to my attention that he might like some help, I offered it and it was accepted. I helped shape his resume or CV to bring it up to standard, and further helped by asking some questions around the "traps" with people I knew to help him get a job. He got a job! Great. I did not even receive a thank you for the help given and he has ignored the couple of follow up emails I offered since. These people I deal with and the sad experiences I have, threaten to cause me to stop being the generous hearted person I am, but what it will do is make me choose better the people I do help. Yet somehow in the process, the world that I revolve in becomes less giving, less caring and only serves to perpetuate the demise of what I am speaking of here in this post.

A conversation briefly with a brother last night on the phone yielded his sadness after helping some people at an event to designed to assist some other people, he was not thanked, and how disappointed he felt as a result of not being acknowledged. This was told to me with no knowledge at all from my brother that these same thoughts had been circling in my own mind.

Is it that I am too sensitive? perhaps. I have been criticised by Marcelina a couple of times for expecting a thank you in the first place, as though I should expect nothing. Perhaps she is right, but for me a basic tenet of inter personal relations is to be able to accept with gratitude any service, kindness or gift that may be rendered from another in my behalf. This done as a gesture to let them know I appreciate what they did, said or gave. My life has been so greatly enhanced by the kindness of other people I would feel I am a traitor to all that by refusing to pass it back and to pass it on.

I was at a check in counter recently at an airport and was in the process of having my seat status altered - more leg room etc being that I am 6"3", when a man came next to me dressed in a disheveled state and rudely demanded a seat upgrade, to which the woman replied "No Sir, regrettably for you the last one was given to this gentleman here" Hey!!!! I smiled at the lady and remained silent as she processed the seat upgrade whilst the man mumbled angrily as he marched away. I said" Wow thank you", and she said "it was your lucky day, I won't be spoken to like that." After completing the transaction we smiled and I went away. I bought her some very nice chocolates and went back to the counter, amazed and glancing around, she said "I can't accept that", but took them at my insistence and was visibly grateful.

I have noticed this ingratitude growing in emails as well, a quicker way we have to communicate, it would only take a single word, a thanks in reply and it would convey the point I am making in this post, but so few people actually do it. Email is designed to save us lines at a post office, going to a post box and all of that, and yet we still can't get it right. Where do we go from here?


What I am saying is, that it doesn't cost a cent to be nice, it doesn't cost a scintilla of effort to be courteous to people and the rewards, not that I seek for them, can be great. I am I believe, an idealist and may even be an emberlist (new word I created to express a person trying to keep the glowing embers in the wake of a fire, alive), in the growing tide of pessimism and fear that seems to be an ever present threat to consume the global soul like a tsunami. I will speak for peace, for courtesy, respect, manners, gratitude....and love. Whilst the flickering flame may be dimming in the wind, if many others hold similar candles or embers for these values they may once again take hold and burn with fervor and become re-enthroned as ideals we all live by.

I am again playing Burt's song, but with a different version by the wonderful Rikki Lee, whom I have had the pleasure to meet a few times.

Have a great day everyone, and thanks for stopping by and sharing this post.