A bit more.....

One film I forgot to comment on, and review was Michael Moore's documenatry 'Sicko". An amazing expose into the American Health myth's and system they have. I watched this at first thinking it was a waste of time and within minutes finding myself riveted and grateful to live in this country I lovingly call home. I am not sure how any American can watch this and truly not have doubts that the "Land of the Free" is held together with home made band aids and a prayer that they don't get seriously ill. My heart heart goes out to the people there who live in constant concern if they become really sick. Especially the 50 million people denied Medical Insurance. It is a sometimes harrowing expose into a system that proves might is right. Perhaps the words from Australian rock band Midnight Oil's lyrics are pertinent here."The rich get richer, the poor get the picture"
(5 stars)


This is the last post for a few days. My Mum Grace appears to have been more advanced with her health concerns than she let on. The C word (cancer) I had avoided saying was only because she thought by not telling me or Kayleena, would "help" us. Not sure I understand how that thinking works, but I will accept her choice and put it aside. My sister is flying in and then we will spend some time together tomorrow before her surgery on Wednesday, I shall refrain from saying exactly what operation is going on, not because it is secret, but because I do not have the facts to hand. So I will be moving around the next few days gingerly. I am writing here now because I think this voice I have created on my blog is a safety valve that lets me talk generally to myself and is a great source of peace and comfort. It is advanced and the specter of actually losing my second Mother is real. Inevitable certainly, but more real than I had been led to believe. That is Ok too. I respect her choice, even if I don't fully concur.

I will be looking at and answering any comments should any of you make them - yes even you V2T! I will still be checking my mail. I will just not be investing the energy into posting, so I can walk on this path for the next few days. I am grateful I have the chance to spend some time. When my adopted Dad Allen was on his last breaths, I went to see him and he asked me in an angry tone, "Have you done your organ practice?" I was 14 going on 50 and thought, I have had enough of this rubbish and just walked out on him at the St Vincent's Hospital in Darlinghurst. The regret was, that I never saw him alive again. I am not twisted by it, but sad on a whole number of levels. My Mum Grace informed me a couple of months ago that when I left his room he said to her through tears "I don't know why I said that, I am so sorry"...and so am I. I took my little family to clean up my Dad's grave the other day, no reason, I just missed him and needed to feel him near. It was a wonderful half hour. I marveled at the number of people who were showing their love to the people they miss by doing the same thing. It was a wonder to watch. There is a story in every person whom I saw.

So I will immerse myself in getting to know my sisters again as we walk this road together with Mum and enjoy the time we have with Mum, whether it is hours, days, weeks or a few months. We are led to believe it is nearer than she has let on. My parting thought to share on this Monday night the 18th of February 2008 is simply, Life is Short. Don't live with regrets. If we cause each other pain, hurt, disappointment and anguish. Forgive. Forgive me, forgive each other and perhaps even ourselves.
I will end this post with the REM song Everybody Hurts.

The self portrait opposite top right would be a perfect image of how I look and feel at present. I found out a couple of hours ago the more serious state of Mum's health and just wanted to write now to help me cope with everything.
I love you all.